When Ex’s Hijack Your Dreams

On a regular basis I have nightmares that my ex husband comes to take my daughter from me. Occasionally I have good dreams where I forgive him and we are all nice and friendly etc etc, sometimes I have awkward sex dreams about him, but the majority of the dreams he steals from me are about him taking my baby from me or abandoning us in a life or death situation. I didn’t think I would be ok posting the dreams he is in, but honestly, he is in a large amount of my nightmares and pretending that they don’t exist isn’t something I can be ok with either. Maybe he will read this, maybe Bryan (my husband) will read this, someone is likely to get uncomfortable about these, but the dreams are so damn vivid and traumatizing and I am hoping that this process might help me flush the nightmares out of my brain.

Side Note: Ex Husband left when Liliana was a baby and relinquished his parental rights legally allowing Bryan to adopt her 6 years ago.

1

Liliana and I were heading to Eugene to be in my friend Mindy’s wedding. She lived in an amazing tree house and the surroundings were that of Hawaii. Liliana went off to play with little kids while I went to look for Mindy so we could get ready (which did not consist of makeup and dresses, it was more like physical labor in the outdoors). Mindy is one of the most beautiful people I know inside and out, she has beautiful long red hair and cute little freckles, she takes such good care of herself and it shows in her glow. I find her at the bottom of the tree, she is climbing up an incline which lead down to the ocean (which was a lot like the cabin her family has on a lake), she looks up at me and her face is all distorted. No longer did she have her proportioned nose and smile, they were replaced with an itty bitty protrusion in the center enveloped in cheeks that sagged like a bull dog. Mindy had a sudden onset of Progeria (Progeria is not a disorder that can be sudden onset, people are born with it). A very healthy, 5’6 woman with glowing, freckled jowls. I was shocked at the change, maintained my courteous face and moved on in getting ready for the wedding.

Mindy and I climbed her tree, and came upon the children playing with my chihuahua Spike. All the kids had hands on him, dressing him up in dolls clothes and such. My ex…. uh…. let’s call him…. Max saw what was going on and decided that since I was not around to watch my daughter which resulted in her “torturing a dog”, he was going to record it as evidence and take me to court to get his rights and custody of her. You know… torturing animals is a sign of sociopathic tendencies which lead to homicidal behavior which is what he thought was happening. This situation was very delicate, I had to approach it responsibly, in a calm manor and pretend to understand his thought process and veer him out of it. I ask him if we can go for a walk to find a quieter place to talk about it away from the kids, he agrees and we leave, walking down a path which was on the ledge of the Maunaloa Volcano. We find a pool of water to sit next to and talk. I convince him to get in the water to swim (to turn his mood to the positive), he smiles and we get in.

“Look! I can fly!” I say as I skirt around on the top of the water, arms extended to the sides of me and my hands acting as propellers. This lightens the tension, he laughs. This is when I go in for the conversation, I let him know what was actually going on, how the girls were playing dress up with the dog, I went looking for the friend and only left her for a short amount of time out front of the tree house and that Mindy’s family was there and they were watching her like she was their own family and that there wasn’t a single thing happening that was dangerous. HE ACTUALLY HEARD ME and then agreed that his decision to take her away from me was unnecessary.

I woke up.

What bothers me about this dream is that it was 100% horse shit. Why am I dreaming of such a low key way to defuse such a situation? “oh! Ok! I won’t take her then”. I mean, who has ever experienced that easy of a custody issue? How is it that I will dream of this last night and tonight I will end up with him doing the complete opposite, like leaving me to carry her barefoot over lava fields while he rides away on a helicopter named Methamphetamine1? I don’t know….. Obviously he did a doozie on me if I am still having these dreams more than ten years later.

Moral: If you abandon your wife and kid to do meth, you’re still gonna fuck them up, it’s just a lot less than if you stuck around. I would always take these dreams over the alternative any day.

Anyways, here is Spike

Dreams Of Stalkers & 3 Boobs

Forward: I had a friend from the age 12 to 21, we were inseparable and would spend multiple nights (sometimes weeks) in a row together. We were both only children, so we were like each other’s sister. In the spring of 2004 I left for the military and she left for an all girls school on the east coast. In 2005 I became pregnant with Liliana and my friend dropped out of college. She came to stay with us on base in Alaska for a while and then went on to do her own thing in town. At this point she became extremely weird, calling me and leaving crazy messages all day long on my answering machine (yes I had an answering machine, voice mail wasn’t cool enough yet). I worked twelve hour swing shifts, so I was never home to answer the phone (this was before I realized I needed a cell phone, that came later down the road in like 2006 when that baby was in day care) and obviously that bothered her very much. One message went like this “Fuck you, I don’t care when happens to you, your husband or your baby! Love you bye!”. They went like that for a while so I just avoided her until one day my mother advised that I tell her to leave me alone or I will call the police. She left me alone….. until she saw me in the mall one day…. Anyways, I thought you needed that bit of information. Now on to the dream.

I was in an airport getting ready to head home, my chihuahua Spike tucked away in my armpit, my rolling bag in my free arm’s hand. I was traveling with my old elementary friend [let’s call her] Suzanne. She is always a few steps ahead of me because this was her airport and I was in awe just looking at all the cool stores.

She disappears.

Spike wiggles out of my arm and runs off.

I drop my bag and run after my dog, I could hear him drinking something in a dark hallway that says “employees only”. For some reason I decided following the rules was more important that getting my dog, in real life I would plow through orange warning cones to get to him. (im such a rebel). Spike finally comes out, he doesn’t seem like he drank anti-freeze or anything, so I make note to just pay extra attention to his behavior. Spike and I find a break room for people waiting for their flights (like the USO, but not group specific) and I see my friend [let’s call him] Weston and he is hanging out, laying on an over sized ground hammock. I go over, lay next to him and we talk like two little kids at a sleep over. He had a baby on the way, due any second now. AND BAM! A 5 month old baby appears into his dad’s arms (no idea where his dad came into the scene, but this is a dream… who cares). I ask if I can hold it and Weston agrees. I love on the little baby (who happen to have Down Syndrome features. this is only significant because I care to know why I dreamed of a baby with undiagnosed DS). All of a sudden, I feel something on my chest, a mole appears. That’s not abnormal for me, I get moles all the time. I check it again, and it turned into a nipple! My left breast had grown a third nipple! I go to breast feed the baby and when I bring my shirt up, my left boob divided into two and now I had three fully functioning breasts! I look at Weston and say “IT WORKS!” and squirted at him. Then i go to feed the child from my new body part.

My flight is called overhead. I give the baby back to his father, grab Spike and head to the information desk. The representative couldn’t give me information because my name wasn’t in the system, my friend Suzanne had purchased two tickets under her name (I think that is old school methods to purchasing tickets) and I had lost her. I ask him for information on the next few PDX flights and he jots them down on a post it “C24 H E 6”. I ask him to tell me what it means and he gets so annoyed (I was in the USAF, I should know this shit, right?). I get what I need and run to the gates looking for Suzanne, I found her. She was PISSED at me and I really didn’t want to fly with her.

I woke up.

Why Always My Teeth?!?

**Please disregard my childish typing, it’s really early and I need to go to work soon. I will edit later. I am typing with my eyes closed and just flying by the seat of my panties**

I am at college. I am eating blueberries. A seed gets stuck in between my molars, so I get one of those moon shaped picks and try to get the seed out, instead my molar comes out. I tongue it, panic, and call the dentist. I have an appointment at 1pm and it is at the top of the building (am i at OHSU or The VA?). I grab my purse and lunch bag and head up the ramp to go into the door leading to the stairwell, its locked. I go around the building and find the elevators, they are crammed. I have PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (real life) and I can’t do busy elevators.

I panic more. I look for stairs again, but still locked. As I wait for the elevator to come back, another tooth falls out, I hold it in my hand hoping the dentist can put it back in or at least shape a false tooth like it. The Elevator arrives and I get in.

I arrive to the dental floor and check in. 20 minute wait. I decide to go down to the chow hall for a meal and wait in line. It is the 3rd Term party of the culinary department and the students chose the menu. Everything would break my teeth but lasagne (which in a tv show I heard Herpes referred to as lasagne on a guy’s mouth, this has to be why i dreamed about it **real life**). I get lasagne, take a bite and another tooth crumbles out, mostly one chunk but then slivers came with it. I decided to just go back to the office and wait. I get to the office and realize I left my Ugly Christmas Sweater from Rainy Day Games down on the bench outside of the building where all of this began. I am so upset because my husband and I share that sweater and we LOVE Rainy Day Games. Two more teeth come out. I check in at the dentist, 10 more minutes. I decide I can make it down to the sweater and back in time, I hurry down the long long hallways and finally get there, grab my sweater, put it on because at the point more and more teeth were coming out and I wanted to blend in, I was wearing some outrageous power clashing outfit that everyone looked at. More teeth came out, at this point, when I smiled you could see two top teeth and a couple bottom teeth. I try to position my tongue to make it less obvious that I was a toothless wonder, but it made me look like a creepy old lady who forgot her dentures. My tongue falls out. I rush back to the dental office with my hands full of teeth and realize that the dentist was on his lunch break because I came late. I woke up.