I was at my mom’s house, I had just gotten there from a very long trip with my son William. He goes into the back yard to play and I notice that the tree with the tree house (which is actually the tree without a house in it that my step dad fell from and broke his body) was cut down,
“Oh the tree house is gone!” I say to my mother
“Yeah we cut that down a while ago.” She replies
We go inside the house, excited for the camera crew to get here because they are doing a documentary on my step dad (marriage number 3). In this dream life, he was the oldest son of three, his sister and brother died of sickness as children and his parents of old age recently. I notice a tattoo on his back of a ribbon behind a rose, it was unfinished. The ribbon was shaded with an emerald green around the edges, the rose was dark red, crimson maybe. I show my mom the big box of cupcakes someone made for me, they were sitting in a sugar terracotta pot, topped with frosting succulents She opens the freezer and pulls out Ben and Jerry’s, ice cream on the bottom with a frozen layer of chocolate cake on top that you have to break through. William is outside playing in water. I move to take cardboard to the recycling bin but they had moved it.
Camera men are placing surveillance cameras around the property.
My mom’s second husband rolls up into the driveway to take me to the store. I want to tell her I am leaving, but I can’t find her. She knew I was going to go so I felt comfortable leaving without saying goodbye. I hop in his truck and he is too distracted by the TV mounted on his dash to talk to me. We drive illegally slow down Main Street and I see my mother happily running on the sidewalk. I have never seen her run before… she has cancer, she shouldn’t be running! I panic and demand dad2 to stop the car so I can yell out the window to my mom.
“Mom! What are you doing?!?!” She smiles and looks around for traffic so she can cross a lane to the truck, she walks to the passenger window and a car drives right through her……. My heart stops. I lose my breath. She smiles and waves at me as the 30 year old Ford continues.
“Mommy, did you die?” I choked. I can barely breathe.
“Yes I did Baby. And It’s Ok.” She smiles a warm and reassuring smile of pure happiness.
She appears in the backseat of the truck, Dad 2 starts driving to the parking lot of the library for safety and I look at my mom.
“You’re dead? Where is your body? Is she at home?” My heart was sinking and my throat was closing. Tears forcing themselves out of my eyes. Why did I refer to my mom’s body as another person?
“It’s ok Sweetie, I just … I just want to tell you that I love you and to have a good life” She emphasized the word “good”.
“Mom” I hesitate a second, stifling back tears. “you did an amazing job, I love you so much.” She looked at me like that was the only thing in the world she wanted to hear and she got out of the truck, walked back to the street and started running again. I jumped out of the truck to follow her but my knees gave out, my body crumbled beneath me, my face fell against the cold, grainy cement, dust was being forced back and forth by my sobs.
I can’t breathe. I can’t be. . . I just… can’t…
I wake up from the sound of my sobbing.
Rest well Mom.
ps. please excuse my rambly typing, I have a hard time reading through this one.