I Am Terrified Of Raccoons

Last nights dream was all over the place, please expect a lot of jumping around.

rac

My husband’s whole family was having a get together (a couple of my students were there as well), they were all going to stay the night at his grandparent’s house for the weekend. There is a main house, a mother in law house and then a third little house for his uncle to live in. The property is haunted and also taken over by raccoons. I walk into Bryan’s uncles room and his desk is shrinking down to doll house size and then back to normal (funny note, his uncle was watching minecraft videos). A student of mine named McKenzie and I look at each other and agree that this room was already taken, so we leave to find another one. The next room had a hole under the bed that led to the crawl space which was inhabited by raccoons. Raccoons scare the shit out of me so I run as fast as I can to the next area. At this point, Tim Allen rolls up in a blue street racing car and a baby strapped to his chest in a 5 point harness bucket seat. He is taking him for a joy ride…

racI ditch my student friend and find my husband, he is being awful handsome and grabby so we go to find a room to “practice” (our code word to give the kids popsicles, hand them minecraft and lock our bedroom door). We got to his uncle’s room and it was beyond haunted, shit was going crazy, doors wouldn’t stay shut and there were tons of people around. Next room had raccoons and I would rather die with a neglected fun-button than be in a room with a raccoon. Fuck that. We finally find a room, we get in the bed, I put my glasses away and turn back around, my husband is choking! I slap his back and yell for help at the same time, Chris Tucker comes in and saves the day, knocks the pistachio out of his face. I leave to go get water for him and a ghost comes right up to me, breathes blue mist into my mouth and I try not to breathe it in, but I am dumb and curious and let a little get into my lungs.  In the end, this was a nightmare.

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I woke up with O’Keefe’s music foundation’s kids cover Sober By Tool in my head.

 

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