On a regular basis I have nightmares that my ex husband comes to take my daughter from me. Occasionally I have good dreams where I forgive him and we are all nice and friendly etc etc, sometimes I have awkward sex dreams about him, but the majority of the dreams he steals from me are about him taking my baby from me or abandoning us in a life or death situation. I didn’t think I would be ok posting the dreams he is in, but honestly, he is in a large amount of my nightmares and pretending that they don’t exist isn’t something I can be ok with either. Maybe he will read this, maybe Bryan (my husband) will read this, someone is likely to get uncomfortable about these, but the dreams are so damn vivid and traumatizing and I am hoping that this process might help me flush the nightmares out of my brain.
Side Note: Ex Husband left when Liliana was a baby and relinquished his parental rights legally allowing Bryan to adopt her 6 years ago.
Liliana and I were heading to Eugene to be in my friend Mindy’s wedding. She lived in an amazing tree house and the surroundings were that of Hawaii. Liliana went off to play with little kids while I went to look for Mindy so we could get ready (which did not consist of makeup and dresses, it was more like physical labor in the outdoors). Mindy is one of the most beautiful people I know inside and out, she has beautiful long red hair and cute little freckles, she takes such good care of herself and it shows in her glow. I find her at the bottom of the tree, she is climbing up an incline which lead down to the ocean (which was a lot like the cabin her family has on a lake), she looks up at me and her face is all distorted. No longer did she have her proportioned nose and smile, they were replaced with an itty bitty protrusion in the center enveloped in cheeks that sagged like a bull dog. Mindy had a sudden onset of Progeria (Progeria is not a disorder that can be sudden onset, people are born with it). A very healthy, 5’6 woman with glowing, freckled jowls. I was shocked at the change, maintained my courteous face and moved on in getting ready for the wedding.
Mindy and I climbed her tree, and came upon the children playing with my chihuahua Spike. All the kids had hands on him, dressing him up in dolls clothes and such. My ex…. uh…. let’s call him…. Max saw what was going on and decided that since I was not around to watch my daughter which resulted in her “torturing a dog”, he was going to record it as evidence and take me to court to get his rights and custody of her. You know… torturing animals is a sign of sociopathic tendencies which lead to homicidal behavior which is what he thought was happening. This situation was very delicate, I had to approach it responsibly, in a calm manor and pretend to understand his thought process and veer him out of it. I ask him if we can go for a walk to find a quieter place to talk about it away from the kids, he agrees and we leave, walking down a path which was on the ledge of the Maunaloa Volcano. We find a pool of water to sit next to and talk. I convince him to get in the water to swim (to turn his mood to the positive), he smiles and we get in.
“Look! I can fly!” I say as I skirt around on the top of the water, arms extended to the sides of me and my hands acting as propellers. This lightens the tension, he laughs. This is when I go in for the conversation, I let him know what was actually going on, how the girls were playing dress up with the dog, I went looking for the friend and only left her for a short amount of time out front of the tree house and that Mindy’s family was there and they were watching her like she was their own family and that there wasn’t a single thing happening that was dangerous. HE ACTUALLY HEARD ME and then agreed that his decision to take her away from me was unnecessary.
I woke up.
What bothers me about this dream is that it was 100% horse shit. Why am I dreaming of such a low key way to defuse such a situation? “oh! Ok! I won’t take her then”. I mean, who has ever experienced that easy of a custody issue? How is it that I will dream of this last night and tonight I will end up with him doing the complete opposite, like leaving me to carry her barefoot over lava fields while he rides away on a helicopter named Methamphetamine1? I don’t know….. Obviously he did a doozie on me if I am still having these dreams more than ten years later.
Moral: If you abandon your wife and kid to do meth, you’re still gonna fuck them up, it’s just a lot less than if you stuck around. I would always take these dreams over the alternative any day.
Anyways, here is Spike